Passion vs Urgency

“With great PAIN comes great change.  If you’re not ready to change, then you’re not in enough pain!” I can’t say who this quote is from because their was no name mentioned underneath it but I found it to be interesting!

In his book, “The Last Arrow”  one of my favorite quotes of Erwin McManus is “Passion is about what fuels us, urgency is about how much it matters right now.”  These two quotes have so much meaning to me about my journey to change me relationship with food.

First of all, great pain does call for change.  Sometimes when you are experiencing pain, you retreat and blame.  Other times you feel such an urgency to change that the thought of remaining in pain is unbearable.  I was in pain, not just physically but emotionally and spiritual as well, for close to 30 years due to my relationship with food.  Through that 30 years, there were many other painful experiences that happened in my life and I handled those experiences through the huge underlining pain of food addiction.

Passion fueled me time and time again to try hundreds of different ways to lose weight or to talk myself into accepting my problem.  Passion kept me on a diet for awhile, but it was never enough!  Passion kept me on my search for a solution but it wasn’t enough to keep trying until I found it.

On the other hand, urgency to fix this problem of mine, is what ultimately pushed me to the point of no return!  I have often said that younger people who suffer from food related obsessions, do not have the same sense of urgency because they think they still have time to find a solution…that a solution will show up in their lives.  For me, at the age of 54 and health numbers that would scare anyone, my sense of urgency hit an all time high.  I had no more time to wait!  I had to fix this and I had to do it now!

My passion to change this wasn’t enough but my urgency to fix this now, was ultimately my way out of pain!



Why the “Last Arrow” book is about me!

Several days ago I posted a review from “The Last Arrow” book and I listed some of my favorite quotes from the book.  I didn’t write about why they were my favorites and their correlation to my blog so here it is.

Quote #1

“There is a shift that happens when you refuse to remain or be defined by the average, and it comes when you cross a line others would consider madness.  While everyone around you is telling you it can wait, you know you can’t”.

In my experience, when your life has something in it that you do not want, in order to truly change it, you have to experience this shift.  In my situation, it was my inability to control my food.  I knew that everyone under the sun was treating their problem with weight and food with one or more of the million things the diet industry was selling.  None of these average options were for me because nothing I tried worked.

I wanted a solution to my “problem”!  I did not want another temporary fix.  I knew that I had to go beyond what most others had tried to do.  Giving up flour and sugar…for life, seemed like madness to most people who knew me.  They thought I was setting myself up for a sure to fail plan.  Others thought I had picked a route that was too drastic!

I have said it before, you can not make a permanent change in your life if you don’t have a total shift in the way you presently think.  When we are younger and struggle with food and weight, we think we have so much time to find a solution or that a solution will show up in our lives.  The urgency isn’t there when we are younger.  When you get as old as me, your urgency changes because your realize that you are running out of time.

This shift also happens when you decide that you will not live in your current situation for one moment longer!  Once I realized this, I was willing to do whatever it took.  If recovery of this lifelong burden was giving up flour and sugar, then so be it!  And I then wasted NO time and went for it immediately. If someone I knew told me that they were going to do what I did, I would have thought them MAD as well!

Where I am at now…I am so thankful that I experienced that shift!

How does this quote speak to you?


The Total Solar Eclipse!

I know that by this time many people are totally sick of hearing about the Solar Eclipse that happened today!  Sorry, but I live in Missouri and was right in the line of this huge event!  To not write about it would just not be right!

Our city of St. Louis was right in the path of the eclipse and for a solid week now everyone has been talking about it, reading about it and renting their houses out for it.  We have had people from all over the world come to our area just to witness it so it is a very big deal!

I never once thought about purchasing a pair of “eclipse glasses” because I had no intention of looking at it.  My kids asked me why not and my response was “No big deal!”  However, this morning when I woke up and turned on the news, there was nothing else being talked about except the eclipse.  So I decided that I just wanted to experience what it felt like.  I didn’t want to see it, just feel it.

At about 20 minutes before the time of totality, I got a chair and went out on my driveway, sat down and began to take it all in!  The eclipse had already started and it was very eery out.  It was sunny but not fully sun.  About an hour before, it was so hot that the sweat was rolling down everywhere.  Everything looked strange as if I were seeing things for the first time.  Shadows were different and there was a cool breeze.  Not a strong breeze but it felt 20 degrees cooler than and hour before.

Then totality came and washed over the landscape.  The sky took on colors that I had never witnessed before.  I was facing West which is where the sun sets so when I normally look out that way at dusk, the brightness of the sun covers the skyline.  Since this was happening at 1:15 in the afternoon, the sun was directly overhead and looking our west the view of the sky was incredible!  All the insects and birds that you hear at night started making their noises.

The darkness folded over the entire area.  Streetlights came on and all cars had to have their headlights on.  It all felt so odd but yet so peaceful!  And then, as fast as it went dark, about 2 minutes later the light came back.  Not like full light, but it was back.  During totality, I did look up at the sun and saw this incredible scene of the sun with a big black dot covering it with a tiny rim of light.  I will never forget what it looked like!

We are so fascinated with nature and what beauty nature gives to us that people traveled all this way just to experience it!  There were parties all over the place and ice cream trucks everywhere!  Isn’t it amazing, though, that our hunger for nature needs to be celebrated with non natural substances?  Why does food (if that is what you want to call it) have to be involved with everything we do even during an event that shows us the beauty of REEL NATURE?

Anyway, this was an amazing experience for me to feel and be a part of.  I know my words can not do this event justice in describing it to you but, as is with GOD, it was AWESOME!

A Book Review of “The Last Arrow”

I recently had the privilege to read a new book called “The Last Arrow.  Save nothing for the next life!” written by Erwin Raphael McManus.  He is the best selling Author of “The Barbarian Way”.  Warning!!! This book will positively change the way you look at your life!

This book is very easy to read, in fact, I was able to fit it in between my life and had it read in 2 days!  The content is deep but you don’t get lost in the depth!  It will really tug at you and make you think but all in a really good way!

Because I write my blog about inspiring the desire to put food in its rightful place in your life, I found so much meaning about this subject in the book.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book.

“There is a shift that happens when you refuse to remain or be defined by the average and that shift comes when you cross a line others would consider madness!  While everyone around you says it can wait, you know it can’t.”

“Passion is about what fuels us; urgency is about how much it matters right now.”

“As long as we have a contingency plan to go backward, then backward is where we will find ourselves going in the end.  For too many of us, our plan B is to go back to the life we never wanted in the first place.”

“Sometimes the only way to set people free from the past is to create a different future that gives those all around you the inspiration and hope to set their own past on fire.”

“Set yourself free from all the things that you keep holding on to that keep holding on to you.”

“When God tells you to strike an arrow you just keep striking and striking and striking and striking and you do not stop until you hear heaven shout, IT IS FINISHED!”

“Sometimes we blame God for his lack of concern, while all the time what’s missing is our urgency.  We expect God to act but never take responsibility to act ourselves.  We decide that playing it safe is the reasonable choice.  What, in fact, may be in play is that we are not postured to receive what God wants to give us.  We are best postured to receive God’s abundances when we move outside ourselves to the needs of others.”

Love, love, love this book!  In my next post I will explain how these quotes resonate with my transformation both spiritually and physically!

Timing is everything!

When I was into the food, I had a very hard time taking the time to put a meal together.  I would get frantic when it was around the time to eat and just wanted something right now!!!

I have said before that I have noticed that my teenage sons and my husband are the same way.  They will put off eating for a very long time and they have NO plans of where, when, what or how they will eat.  I have witnessed some things about this timing (or lack of) phenomenon.

First of all, when food isn’t planned for the day it leaves everything open to change.  That, in itself, can be very exciting!  It is very much a part of my addiction.  I felt that being open for anything all day long was an exciting adventure and since my life was not very exciting, this was something to look forward to.  It also left me open for any invitation to anything that had to do with food.  I loved living this way…that is until I realized how detrimental it was to my well being!

A popular thing for me to say upon entering any kind of feast (out, at home, a party, etc.) was to exclaim, “I am starving, I haven’t eaten all day” or “I am starving, I just had something small for lunch”.  This gave me the green light to eat as much as I wanted!  The ironic thing was that I was NEVER starving for heaven’s sake!  And yes, perhaps I had not had any breakfast or lunch but I assure you, I never had a small eating day!

When I would either tell myself or others that I was starving, I wanted food immediately!  I did not want to take the time to prepare any food for myself…that would have been too hard!  I didn’t want to wait to be seated and then wait again for the waitress or the food to be prepared!  So what do you think I did?  I got the fastest food possible in the form of fast food.  And you know how good fast food is for you!  Plus, since I told myself that I was starving, I picked the biggest meal on the menu or I purchased two meals!

So much of this happened to me because I didn’t prepare or plan my food.  For people who are not food addicts, not having anything food wise planned might not affect you the way it did me.  For me, the food addict, the freedom of not planning sometimes turned into a very dangerous situation!

When I see my kids do this, it concerns me.  They do not plan anything regarding food so they are open for anything and everything.  They have no patience to wait while preparing their food!  What the heck…they learned from the best!  Hopefully I can undo this with them!

When you take the time to pre-plan your meals and even the timing of your meals, you give yourself a great advantage of making good choices!  When you decide that you will have your meals every 4 to 5 hours no matter what the day brings, you are setting yourself up for food success!

Let’s face it, food is a very important part of our daily life!  Done right, you can enjoy a healthy and fit body.  Done wrong, you can be miserable in an obese body that can’t do much!  So if food is such an important part of our life, why don’t we take the time necessary to plan our day with it?  Why don’t we give it the time and attention it warrants in our life?

We plan out all kinds of things for our day…what time we are going to wake up based on our plans for the day, what we are going to wear, what we need to take with us when we walk out the door, if we need gas or not, which route we will take…and so on and so on!  If we treated the food we are going to eat with the same respect, how would our lives be different?

I was “handicapped” with extra weight!

Please know that I mean no disrespect for anyone who has life long physical handicaps!  Many people live with physical handicaps everyday that can not do anything to reverse their situation and I have a tremendous respect for all who suffer!

I was very close to being actually considered “handicapped” due to my size.  There were so many things that I could not physically do.  I was unable to do things that most people could do and it really made me feel substandard in so many ways!  My son had even said to me one time that soon I would need a cart to drive in to do the grocery shopping.  I was right on the cusp!

Let me introduce you to a woman I know who I will call “Glenda”. This, of course, is not her real name. I have known Glenda for a little over 3 years.  She is one of the kindest people I know and has such a great sense of humor that she makes me laugh all the time.  When I first met her, she was very large…larger than me!  She has had weight loss surgery and is now about 130 pounds less but is still about 150 pounds overweight.

When I met her, she was in a wheelchair and on oxygen.  She could get out of the wheelchair on her own but was unable to stand on her own.  Her knees were bad and she needed knee replacement surgery which they would not perform until she lost weight.  Over the past three years there have been so many events that she would have liked to attend but she was unable because it would have been too hard for her physically!

At some point over the last year, she stopped losing weight but still needs to lose 150 pounds to be in a normal size body!  So why am I telling you about Glenda?  You might be in the same situation or probably know someone similar.  I am telling you about her because as she was trying to desperately lose weight, I was losing weight in my recovery program with a disciplined way of eating.

Of course, she noticed my weight loss and always complimented me every week when she saw me.  At some point, she asked me what I was doing.  I was anxious to tell her more details because I knew she would benefit from the same program.  When I told her that I gave up flour and sugar, she immediately said to me that she would never be able to do that.

Over this past year, her health has been on the decline.  She has so many health problems that I can not keep up with them all.  She did reveal to me this past week that ALL of her health problems would go away if she wasn’t carrying all this extra weight.  Unfortunately, Glenda has decided to give up trying to lose weight!

This tears at my heart!  She is 5 years older than me and is just plain tired of living this overweight, handicapped life (her words, not mine).  She shuffles around and does the best she can but is so limited in what she can do.  I just want to try to help her with what I have learned but I have no idea how to reach her to get her to a point of believing she can heal from this!   I don’t want to see her give up and give in to her life…but it isn’t about what I want!  I have the key but she needs to turn the key in the door!

But by the grace of GOD, there go I!  I know that there have been people in my life that wanted to help me but couldn’t reach me.  Many people I disregarded because I truly thought that no one could relate to my actual problem! And I truly thought that no one could know my pain!

I feel this tremendous responsibility to help those who suffer with this problem with food!  For those of us that have allowed food to disable us, we suffer in silence! I just don’t have it in me to ignore it in another sufferer!

What do you think I can do to help my friend?  What would you do in the same situation?

A disciplined way of eating

I am constantly being asked what I did to lose weight.  As I have said before, that is a loaded question with no easy answer!

Do I answer with the story of my lifelong search of what was wrong with me food wise?  Do I tell them everything I tried and spent money on that, in fact, did not work?  I think that what I did that did not work is just as important in answering this question!  Most of the time, I answer this question one way!

I tell them that I train myself with a disciplined way of eating!  You can see the immediate disappointment in their face!  Most people would rather have me tell them that I take a pill that costs $1000.00 per month!  That would be easier than “discipline”!  Please know that I didn’t just need to lose a couple of pounds for a class reunion, I had to change a lifetime of food addiction and obsession!

Disciplines are valuable because they allow us to do what we cannot do by willpower alone.  I must arrange my life around certain disciplines or practices that will enable me to do what willpower can’t!  Most diets with food plans are totally based on willpower.  Nothing else is taken into consideration (such as having an allergy to flour and sugar). That is why most diets fail! If you want to make a permanent change in your life, you have to train yourself for that change.  Training takes disciplines!

Let’s say that you have a problem spending money on clothes and shoes. To put this problem to rest, would you solve it by continuously going to clothing and shoe stores and counting on your willpower? Ouch, that would hurt!  But if you go into those stores with no credit cards and only $25 in cash, you are disciplining what you are doing.  Think about it, it is entirely two different things and your ability to be successful is much higher if you count on your discipline!

We use discipline in so many areas of our life that we are not even overtly aware.  We use discipline in the amount of make-up we apply, the amount of perfume we wear, the speed we drive, the timing of our activities throughout the day, the way we choose to converse with other people, etc.  Yet why is the thought of using a disciplined way of eating so bad?  If we know that being in the right size body is a win-win all the way around, why would we not want to train ourselves that way!

I think, but I could be wrong, that it is because it is so socially acceptable to have NO willpower, or any power at all over our food!  Smoking cigarettes used to be totally acceptable, but look now how many people disciplined themselves to stop! In the past 20 years the change in the amount of people who smoke has been significantly reduced!

Instead of trying to solve the problem of obesity in our country through restriction, maybe the problem would be solved by training a disciplined way of eating!  Something tells me that someone somewhere, doesn’t really want it to be resolved.  It is like there is a financial benefit to someone to have a third or more of the people in our country to be obese.  I do not want to “feed” that pocket!

What do you think the reason is that we balk at disciplining ourselves with food?